The Recipes

Warning - the following recipes are highly dangerous, and should not be done without protection from "WonderKate".

The Fudge

Ingredients:
3 oz Golden Syrup
4 oz butter
5 oz smooth milk chocolate (Somerfield Smooth works well)
1lb Sugar
1/2 pt milk
A sugar/jam thermometer

Put ingredients in a large heavy saucepan. This allows room for the mixture to rise (it grows by about four times during boiling), and stops it burning on the bottom. Heat gently with stirring as the ingredients melt, then heat to 118C (245F) stirring continually (wooden spoon). Yes, you'll need a thermometer. Really. No, we tried it without one and it didn't work. Honest. You'll need one to avoid either a sticky mess or a new form of metal filler for your car. We've made both.

Leave to cool for about 15 minutes, more or less depending on how much you make and how large the saucepan is. Butter a couple of baking trays.

Stir the mixture, folding in air, for a few minutes, then pour into the trays. The mixture will still be hot, so don't pour it all in one place or you will wash away the butter.

Leave to set. Eat. Then make some more. Vicious circle, ain't it?

Alternative: 1lb sugar, pinch cream of tartar, big tablespoon golden syrup, 4oz butter, small tin condensed milk, 1/4 pt milk. Cook as above, add 1-2oz chopped glacé cherries and 1-2 oz raisins before final stirring.

The Slime

(Slurpish Delight)

Useful, when coloured bright red or green, for creating a rather revolting mess in the bath tub. Create your own Nightmare In The Bathroom...

1lb sugar
1oz gelatine
1/2 pt water
Flavour (if required for consumption)

Dissolve gelatin in 1/4 pint very hot water, dissolve sugar in 1/4 pt water in saucepan and heat. Stir in the gelatin sludge when sugar dissolved, stir well. Boil very gently for 20 mins - keep it bubbling slowly, but do not stir. Remove, add flavour/colour when cooler, stir in, leave to set (round oiled 7" pie dish, or bathtub.)

Flavourings tried: 25ml rosewater + cochineal, 1 capful peppermint + green, (Beware: peppermint is strong), several capfuls rum essence (not so strong)

Bronwyn's Slime

Not for consumption, but suitable for pouring on hapless victims.

1 part Lux soap flakes
2 parts hot water

Mix well. Pour.

The Barley Sugar

Sets very solid. Suitable for repairing brickwork, floors etc. Water soluble.

1lb Sugar
1/2 tsp cream of Tartar
Enough water to dissolve the sugar

Heat steadily, boiling off all the water. Stir continually, with a wooden spoon. The mixture will then become more sticky, and will eventually turn golden yellow. Pour onto a well oiled, cold slab. The mixture is approximately 160C at this point, so be very careful. Use a heat resistant slab. Or a clean draining board. When the mixture is cooler, oil your fingers well, and begin to pick it up into a big glassy lump. Pull the lump into a long rod. The more adventurous can try repeatedly stretching, folding and twisting this into a rope. Wierd stuff, isn't it? Leave to cool on some greaseproof paper.

The Toffee

Delicious, especially if your name is Joe Edwards.

Ingredients:
8oz Redcurrant Jelly (as used for making gravy, not the children's variety)
1lb Sugar
8oz Butter
1/2 pt Single Cream
1/4 teaspoon Cream of Tartar

Boil carefully, stirring continuously. Heat to 130C, when it begins to thicken. Pour out into a dry tray, without butter. Avoid scraping the side too much, as the mixture may have begun to burn here. Avoid touching the tray - it will now be at the same temperature as the toffee. When cooler, cut into squares. When cool, break up and store in an airtight container otherwise the toffee will slowly return into a primordial slime.

The Peppermint Bombs

Excellent for clearing the sinuses, these peppermint bombs produce a blast through your system as fresh as the Jet Stream off Everest.

Ingredients:
Icing Sugar
Peppermint Essence

It is essential to use the proper peppermint essence - peppermint flavouring is simply not enough. It lacks the full explosive freshness of iso-propyl alcohol.

Directions: Mix into balls, using enough essence to make a sticky paste. Consume quickly, otherwise the active ingredient will evaporate. The effect is delayed until the evaporated alcohol hits the nose. A variation can be obtained by adding ground up "Fishermans' Friends" which produces a substance resembling concentrated toothpaste.