Timothy Owens, 20 Braytoft Close, Holbrooks, Coventry, CV6 4ED 01203 680670 (or 024 76680670, I think) 18/12/1999

Phthrrt!! 111

Dear Unfortunate Reader,

Thought it was time for a Christmas edition. Also time for a millennium edition, I suppose, but I think you're all fed up with that word now, and looking forward to January. Don't think we've had an event so valuable to the consumer industry since Charles and Di got married. Or the coronation, possibly. Went through BHS yesterday, marvelling at the range of millenium gifts. You can buy tins of 20th century air, sealed for posterity (80 pence, reduced from £1. Don't think they'll make collectors' items). Milennium bugs can be purchased in a huge variety of shapes and sizes, some edible, some made out of tough foam so you can thump them when necessary. The computer industry has been going crackers shipping out millennnium fixes, even though the worst most people will have to deal with is resetting the clock. Millions have been spent on upgrading, replacing, fixing, and inadvertently breaking perfectly working systems.

In Marconi (was GPT (was GEC (was originally Marconi, and could change again))) we've been planning for just about everything. We've sorted out a callout list of people to deal with emergencies, we've got a backup generator, and we've been told to buy a thermos flask in case there's no power for a kettle. We've been through all the products with a fine toothed comb, finding all the bugs we can. The worst I know of was that someone had got thoroughly confused writing the software to deal with leap years for the 1471 service, and that next February 29th, the system would get confused and get the "You were called Today" mixed up with the "You were called Yesterday". Someone simplified it so that every 4th year is a leap year. Puts the problem back another 100 years. Company confidential information that. Oooh yes. Our future is at stake.

I can honestly tell you straight. The telephone system will continue working. At least ours will. You might get billed for 100 years, but, hey, who's worried about details?

Our biggest worry is that everyone will switch off their equipment at Christmas and switch it all on again on January 4th. Who can blame them, they were recommended to do it. Except that it's likely to overload the network in the process, and nothing to do with the milenium!

Enough of the milllennnium. We've been gradually compiling a set of photos to be put on the web site for posterity, and for the consternation and amusement of any bored North American who happens to stumble across it. I've got some from Nick, some from me, and eventually some will arrive from Geoff (prod, prod). If anyone has some photos of Postgrad or related happenings, then post them in and we'll make sure they're recorded for posterity (and then posted back). A sample is included at the top of this page.

I began to make a list of all the things Bronwyn had been "suggesting" for the house. We did the kitchen earlier this year, and Bronwyn's really pleased. Looks really smart with new flooring and wallpaper in it. We also got round to fixing two holes in the roof. (The original plan was to fix one hole, but after sweeping the water off a dripping porch, and putting the broom through the roof, we had to call the man back to fix that as well...

The kitchen was to be the one big project this year, but then Bronwyn found she was pregnant, so we had to add a few other things to the list. We bought a pram second hand, and found it only just fitted into the boot of the car. Fortunately (or not) I pranged the car, and so we're now looking for another car to fit round the pram. We've already had at least one salesman's face fall as we've tried to squeeze the thing into the boot on a test drive... We've just put a deposit on a rather nice Daewoo (with a large boot) which will come in handy for visiting the relatives this Christmas. Provided they can find the keys, that is...

I've been busy at work - this year I complained I didn't have a lot to do. Now I've got plenty. And they seem to have given me one of the hardest projects this time, so I've had to learn fast! Only they didn't properly finish the design first, and it looks like it ain't going to work. Had an awful lot of meetings last week debating alternatives. Some of those meetings got a little tense as we suggested to the system design leader what he should do with his project. I'm currently doing about three different designs simultaneously, hedging my bets as to which one gets chosen!

We took on a lodger recently (yup, could get interesting when the baby arrives). John is currently at college, has three part time jobs, performs in amateur dramatics (he's been selected to do a spot for Coventry at the Millennium Dome) and spends most of the weekends out with friends. He hasn't been too well recently. I'm not surprised. Preparing us for the chaos next May I think.

And to round off, here's Moray's prayer letter:

104 Broadoaks Grange, Carlisle, Cumbria, CA1 2TA
Home: (0)1228 599240
Work: (0)1228 615105

Dear Everyone,

It seems like just a couple of weeks since I last wrote, but it's actually been over 2 months. Thank you for your prayers concerning my accommodation: as you can see from the top of the letter, I have a new address and phone number. I now have a 2 bedroom semi-detached house, all to myself! It is in a quiet estate exactly 20 minutes walk from the town centre where I work, and has a driveway for the car. For those of you who didn't pray: shame on you! You must be the reason I haven't yet come across any local felines. I was assured by a friend who lives just across the road that there were cats everywhere, and no dogs at all. In fact, my next door neighbour has two large labradors, who come to the garden fence to say hello when I'm parking my car. Unlike the dogs around Currock Road, though, they only seem to bark when there's a good reason, so it's actually fairly good to have them around. A colleague asked me to feed their cats while they were away on holiday this week, so I have had feline company to enjoy recently.

The house was unfurnished, so I've been busy buying (or ordering) furniture. I had no idea it takes so long to furnish a house! At the moment I have a chair and a bed. Most of the rest is on order, and should arrive within the next month or so. I've been able to bring some stuff from Edinburgh, and this weekend mum is coming down (or mom, for the Americans – in America, a mum is a kind of flower) to help me sort things out. I'm much more relaxed living on my own, and it's probably also a benefit that I haven't been able to set up my computer yet – I spend enough time with the rotten things as it is.

That's about all my news. I hope you are all well and prospering, and would love to hear from you.

No worries mate! (Australian for pax vobiscum)

Moray.