Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?

Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Shin : A device for finding furniture in the dark.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Join the Army, meet interesting people , kill them.

Laughing stock: Cattle with a sense of humour.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Corduroy pillows: they're making headlines!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in Psychokinesis raise my hand.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I intend to live forever, so far so good.

I thought about being born again, but my mother refused.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made from.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

The light at the end of the tunnel is a muzzle flash.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

+++ Divide by cucumber error. Reinstall universe and reboot. +++